Empathy In Leadership (part 1!)

I was recently connected with Melissa Robinson-Winemiller, EQ via Empathy Coach and Consultant who specializes in Empathetic Leadership. When I first heard her speaking about it I had chills- we connected immediately! Through a lengthy conversation about what leaders and employees can do to create an empathetic environment, she shared amazing education, statistics, and action items. Did you know that empathy in leadership can increase productivity by 87%*!!??? 

Empathy is a topic that’s meaningful to me and an important part of my own core values. Today’s post will dive into the first part of our conversation, showcasing what empathy is, and how it is beneficial to leaders. Enjoy!

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Melissa: One of the paradigms that I look at with leadership is this idea of the leader as a warrior. But not as an aggressive warrior, but more like in the Eastern cultures as a defender and the person who is more of a servant leader, but is willing to do the hard things and make the hard decisions. And I feel like we both come at that from a warrior and defender aspect.

Kirsten: Leading with empathy doesn't mean that you're just  easy, you're breezy, you're soft, right? It can be some of those things sometimes, but also, if you're a leader, you need to have a business mindset as well and make some tough decisions. It’s about  how to operate with all of these things. 

Melissa: You make a good point. It is a business. People are running a business first and there's nothing wrong with that, but that doesn't mean you can't still lead with empathy. Steve Payne, Ernst & Young’s Americas Vice Chair of Consulting said “empathy is not only a nice to have, but the glue and accelerant for business transformation in the next era of business.”  And the same study showed that by leading with empathy, you can raise efficiency by 87%, creativity by 87%, innovation at 86%, and company revenue by 81%.

Kirsten: There are people out there that may not understand what it is, how to, not only how to lead, but how to practice it, feel it, provide it.

So from your perspective,  What is empathy?

Melissa:So, the definition of empathy is actually the ability to feel what another person is feeling. And it's, it's There's a couple of different ways to look at it. There's cognitive empathy, which means, okay, I logically get what you're feeling. I can see you're crying. I can see you're upset. And I can probably even, you know, if I'm smart, come up and say what you need to hear, but I don't feel it.

There's sympathy, which says, I feel sorry for you, but I still don't really feel much. But then there's empathy where I'm like, I feel this with you. And it hurts, and I am so sorry. So, that's really the crux of it, and why so many people shy away from it. Because, in order to feel empathy, you're making yourself vulnerable to that other person. Because you are open to them and you're also probably going to be faced with some discomfort because you're going to feel what they're feeling and that's precisely why so many people are like, Oh, no, I can't. Got to be strong, got to be tough. 

Unfortunately, we do have some societal stigmas against this, but in order for me to be able to relate to you as a human being and really be on that same level, that means I have to be able to feel what you're feeling on that same level. And on the other hand, it's so incredibly beautiful when you can actually relate in that way.

Now, that doesn't mean you don't still make tough decisions, but you can at least say,  yeah, I get it. And wow, that just sucks.  

Kirsten: Absolutely. I think that sometimes validating is just as important, right? In the workplace, if somebody's going through something, it doesn't mean that the situation needs to necessarily take over, you know, you can validate and then say that this is how we can move forward or still say, I understand, these are the expectations, though, how can we make this work? What are some things we can do? So it’s not just venting. 

Melissa: Right. Exactly. It has to be actionable. Let's come back to communications. This was an Inc study. They said that by having non empathic and unusable communication, companies lose 18% of employees salaries. 

Week after week, year upon year, that's just a sunk cost for no reason at all. So if you're looking at an employee that has a salary of $67,000 that means that you're losing $12,000 year upon year, employee upon employee, just because of the lack of empathic communication.  And it breaks down further because they figured it, it comes out to being like 7. 4 wasted hours per week. So that's like saying, hey everybody, take every Friday off.

Kirsten: That’s extremely impactful to a business, especially a small business, and all the work that’s being done. 

Melissa: With your work, how often have you seen bad communication be the thing that scuttles all the best of intentions?  

Kirsten: Every day in some capacity. A lot of my job is having conversations that just facilitate communication and set standards on communication. I do a workshop on leadership training and communication is honestly the biggest part of it. And every time I do it, I think this should be its own workshop because it bleeds into everything. And also, you know, with these.  Skills we talk about in leadership training, all of this, has every bit to do with your personal life as well

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In part 2 we will dive into retention and steps to take to help create a culture that values empathy! 

Melissa can be found on LinkedIn, sharing some very meaningful content!

*Study done by Ernst & Young